Posted in So You Don't Know Me

Dear Benedict Cumberbatch

This So You Don’t Know Me But… brought to you by Lane Brown. You can visit him at his blog.
Dear Honeycutt Candycrush,
I’m a huge fan. I think you’re a fabulous Sherlock Holmes. You portrayed one of my heroes, Alan Turing, stupendously. And frankly, everything I know about you as a human being indicates that you’re a fun, easygoing and genuinely nice human being, which is not something you can always say about celebrities.
As a result, I feel slightly guilty about the name game. You know, the one where I say Crackerjack Applesauce and people immediately know I mean Bandicoot Cucumber. Or, maybe guilty isn’t totally accurate. It’s more that I spend an odd amount of time wondering how you feel about the whole thing. You do seem to have a good sense of humor about such things, and my best efforts haven’t turned up any examples of you saying anything against it. Then again, I don’t pay much attention to celebrity stuff, so maybe you said it long ago and I just couldn’t find it. My searches were all pretty flooded with yet more examples of the name game.
Overall, I feel like it’s safe to assume you don’t take any offense. It’s pretty clear that nobody is doing this to say “Dragnet Butterscotch has such a weird, dumb name. We will mock it.” Everybody who does this likes you as much as I do. It’s really just mocking ourselves and, for the language geeks, playing with an odd phenomenon (have you seen any of the articles on how this phenomenon works? Or how to create a Banana Curious name generator? They’re fascinating). We love your name. We love you.
But I just thought I’d go on record as saying that if I ever hear that you don’t like the name game, that you don’t think it’s funny and you can’t wait for it to stop, I will stop. No matter how much I’ll miss it, nevermore will Benefit Handyman or Buttery Cardigan or Backstroke Penguin pass my lips.
Sincerely,

P.S. That’s a brown lane. Because my name is Lane Brown. I dunno, it was funny in my head.

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