Dear Me, Life sucks and it’s gonna get worse. But after that…

Dear Jess,

So you don’t know me (yet), but you will.

First off, before you read this….  SPOILERS!  (One day, you’re gonna find that funny and pity anyone Who doesn’t get it.)

Right now you’re 18, pregnant, and scared out of your mind (and too proud to admit you have no idea what you’re doing and just how scared you are).   Things with the father of the child you’re growing are bad…  and they’re only going to get worse.  For the first time in your life, all you want is your mother (you’re too proud to admit that too).

You’re about to do something that, a week ago, you would have punched anyone who suggested it… you’re going to ask your mother to take you in.  You have it in your head that you’ll move back in and put everything in the past behind you.  You’ll finally bond and she’ll be there to talk you through all the hurt, fears, loss and confusion you have right now.  You’re clinging on to that picture in your head for dear life because you don’t have anything else to cling to…  it’s the only hope you have.

I wish I could tell you that it works out that way, but it doesn’t.

You’re going to move back in with your mom but she’s going to be too busy with her job and with a new man.  You’re going to feel like she’s forcing this new guy into your life and you’re going to hate her for it.  He’s always going to be around when you need to talk to her.  Seeing them together is going to make the pain and fear of everything you’re going through a thousand times stronger… you’re going to feel like your drowning in it.

Suck it up.

No matter how much you think he’s going to go away and another will be taking his place before your baby gets here…  he’s not.  He actually marries your mom and she’s happy. (Yeah, I know what you’re thinking… but trust me, you eventually get used to it… kinda.)

And it turns out, he’s actually a really great guy… so don’t do all those things that go through your head when you’re angry, upset, and hormonal.  You’re gonna want to give him a hard time and mulch his shoes when you trip over them.  But what you should really do is give him a chance…  he sticks around and he helps with so much for you and your daughter in the future.

Oh, that’s right…  You think there’s no way that God would ever give you a girl.  You are SOOO wrong on that…  You end up with two daughters!  (Don’t worry, you’re not having twins!)

Anyway, having four parents turns out to be pretty awesome! (Yes… you’re dad gets remarried too!)  You’re kids are never short on grandparent spoiling and you eventually figure out that they’ve all been through some stuff and actually know what they’re talking about – SO LISTEN TO THEM!!!

I really wish I could tell you that life is going to get easier.  But, it’s not for a really long time. It’s going to get really, really, REALLY hard.  It’s going to make what you’re going through right now seem like a walk in the park on a fall day.  And you’re going to be too stubborn to let anyone help you through it.  You’re going to bottle it all up and you’re going to get really angry at God and everyone around you (except for that baby in your belly…  even on her worst day, you’re gonna think she’s the most awesome thing that’s ever been on this planet — and the second one is gonna be just as awesome).

I could tell you what’s coming.  I could prepare you so that you could stop it.  I could tell you to handle things differently.

I won’t.

Everything that’s about to happen to you is necessary.  You need to go through it so you can become the person I am today.  Without those experiences, you’d be just like the thousands of clueless people who chatter and complain and you want to punch in the face.  (Oh yeah, the next decade gets rid of that temper of yours too…  it turns out, it’s really not worth the energy.)

One day, you’re going to be happier than you ever thought was possible.

Oh…  things with your parents are pretty screwy right now, you probably want to know if it gets better.

I know things are weird and you’re scared to talk to him right now, but your dad handles the whole pregnancy thing much better than you think…  that, or he’s just really good at hiding it. Eventually, you’re gonna marry an amazing man (it’s not gonna be the one you think and your dad is actually going to like him).  You’re going to move just down the street from your dad’s.  Your kids are gonna want to walk there everyday and you’re gonna worry about bugging the crap out of him and your stepmom…  I’m pretty sure they don’t mind though and it’s pretty awesome!

It seems impossible at the moment, but things with your mom do get a whole lot better.  It takes a long time, but you do get over yourself and get some perspective.  She’s not always out to get you and she isn’t always trying to push you away.  She’s really doing and saying what she thinks is best…  it doesn’t feel like it right now, but she loves you… so try to let her.

Basically, just don’t give up.  Yeah, life sucks.  Really soon you’re gonna want to quit the whole thing altogether.

NEWSFLASH!!! (I know you like that right now)

It sucks for everybody, not just you…    and what you’re gonna get after all the crappy parts is amazing!  So stick around and enjoy the roller coaster you’re about to go on.  It’s SO worth it!!!

Love,

You.

P.S.  Eventually, you love you too.