Can I call you Felicia? I mean, I feel like I already know you. Although, you have no idea who I am.
If we ever met though, I’m sure that we would be best friends! I’ve followed you on the internet since season one of The Guild (not in a creepy stalker way). I love Geek & Sundry and The Flog. I follow your page on Facebook and favorite your tweets on Twitter. And well, basically… I just think you rock!
But I’m afraid that I’ve let you down. And I just can’t seem to forgive myself for it.
You know that book you wrote? The one that’s now #3 on the bestseller’s list? Um… I haven’t bought it yet.
I know, I’m horrible! Please don’t hate me, I can explain…
When you first announced that you had written a book, I texted all my friends! I counted down the months, weeks, and days until your book came out. I checked the dates and places of your book signings religiously. The closest you were to me was New Jersey (which is nowhere near me). You were there the day after your book came out. This also happened to be the day after school started for my children.
I was devastated. Crushed. Thoughts of “How could you???” and “Didn’t you know that I wanted to be there?? This was your chance to finally meet me!” flooded through my brain.
But it’s okay. I know that this wasn’t your fault. It was those crazy publicity people I’m sure you have managing your schedule for you. Also, the Kanawha County Board of Education is to blame, really. I mean, they really should have checked with your publicist before making the school calendar.
So here’s my first apology… I’m sorry I didn’t make it to NJ. But you should know that I considered just not sending my kids to school that day so we could all meet you. They are also big fans. But, my youngest kept insisting that school was more important and you would have to wait. Maybe we’ll make it to a comic-con sometime…
My second apology… I’m sorry I haven’t bought your book. But I quit my job back in May to stay home with my kids. I know! Those pesky kids of mine are seriously interfering with our imaginary friendship! Anyway, that meant that I had to cut back on my expenses. So I didn’t pre-order your book and haven’t bought the hardcover (yet). I do, however, have the Audible version!
I really hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. And that you don’t think this letter is creepy.
Thanks for all the laughs,